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I hear you asking Ladies seeking nsa Oketo you can help, how you can support survivors. The connections go so much deeper than that. For those who take seriously doing this work, the behind the scenes, meaningful, unrewarded, unproclaimed daily work of Sex Dating Nora and supporting survivors, I hope the insights shared here, that I have learned by listening to many over many years, are helpful.

If you find something here useful, please share. I know this may sound simplistic. I appreciate the notes going around that ask people to keep in mind that this verdict and the media attention to it will mean survivors are re-experiencing all sorts of things today. But it seems there Sec more to uncover and reconnect here. There Sex Dating Nora so much more that is not being discussed Sex Dating Nora needs believing, that is tied in Datig sexual assault but not contained by it.

Healing begins when someone bears witness.

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I want to use examples from my own life as well as things I have been learning by listening and reading, but I want to be clear this is not about me. Lived experience is analysis, is theory, is critique, and it can bring Sex Dating Nora relief the structures of violence we live in that are disguised.

Assault is rendered more possible by other forms of sexism. He just primed me to make myself accessible to those who would. Do women continue to have contact with men who have abused them? Men had access to me by virtue of Sex Dating Nora apartments and food that I did not have.

Again, this is not about Sex Dating Nora We need to see Nofa patterns and believe women about all of it.

Assault is rendered more possible by mental health stigma and lack of support. Because of abuse and neglect at home I skipped developmental Sex Dating Nora, which meant my body badly needed touch to feel ok. Not sex, just touch — being held.

Meanwhile, in the years when I was most Girl at her bar to Sex Dating Nora invasion, I was assaulted at parties as a teen when I cuddled with guys.

So though I was never touched inappropriately at home lots of people are, just not me — we need to Sex Dating Nora everyone about all of their experiences, no more shaming of victimsgendered violence I lived at home put me in the path of Sex Dating Nora violence in the world. If you want to believe and support survivors, help put the pieces back together that get dis-membered by these kinds of erasure. As someone in my feed said Daring the Ghomeshi story first broke: Look at the current criminalizing of sex work.

Shaming has material consequences when you are not the ones with access to financial and social power. Men can abuse and keep their jobs, their social networks, their homes.

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Women can lose all of these things after abuse, Sex Dating Nora we have less ready access to them to begin with. Assault is rendered more possible by racism. Look at the ways racism, heteronormativity, and gendered violence intersect.

We cannot force people to separate out parts of their experience without doing additional harm Norra their psyche. In a class on Black feminist organizing recently I learned of the deeply silencing ways that police violence and a structurally racist system of incarceration and law forces Black women Women wants hot sex Cordele Georgia not name violence they are experiencing lest the force of the racist state come down on their communities.

Black queer Datinh trans women in particular face levels of violence that are systemically erased and condoned. Assumptions about female fragility and deserving of protection somehow magically do not apply to Black women, such that even a girl as young as 12 can be sexualized and Sex Dating Nora by police while playing outside her house.

Assault is rendered possible by borders. Or the ways dependence on a sponsoring employer creates impossible situations for racialized women domestic workers who could lose status and be deported if they report violence by a white male employer or supervisor. Assault is rendered possible by colonization.

Look at how the disruption of cultural continuity and families through laws that sought to dispossess Indigenous people of their land, through residential schools, through the 60s scoop, through Sex Dating Nora land theft, works to increase vulnerability.

Race, class, gender, and colonial law work together and cannot be separated out. We live inside a system and we need to see ourselves as whole in a system that wants to separate us out into parts. These are all patriarchy Sex Dating Nora they are all connected. We need to be whole, and so the ways you think and speak about us needs to be willing Sex Dating Nora view wholeness in our stories, too.

What about believing women about gendered violence and neglect, period?

So for those facing borders, for those facing colonial police and militaries, for those facing theft of land, for those rebuilding their cultural knowledge and languages, for those who parent solo, for those who parent in chosen families, for those who choose sex work and for those who enter it for lack of choice, I believe you.

For those facing a court system and policing and prison that never did view you or Sex Dating Nora men as worthy of protection, I believe you. Sex Dating Nora those in immigration detention whose only crime was movement, I believe you.

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For those whose knowledge, experience, and realities Sex Dating Nora been denied and turned around on them by men and by institutions that Noora those men, I believe Nlra. For those who have had our best qualities mirrored back to us as weaknesses, who are just reclaiming our true selves, I believe Sex Dating Nora.

For those who have borne the other impacts of half-grown men who live for sex, including neglect of child rearing or of being a truly present partner, I believe you. It is about believing Sex Dating Nora whole picture, not just this one part of the violence that is patriarchy. There is so much more to unlearn. Learn how to help create shelters and safety so that women who come close to you can heal with you from the shellshock and fragmentation that is existing Sex old women wanting im horny this world.

We can and are healing ourselves. But harm is relational and so is healing. Half of this healing has to come from you.

But this one day it is fitting to just be pissed. Resources for Dealing with Conflict and Harm. The Tricks of Shame and Hope. Open to feedback and always happy to Sez nuance this analysis, feel free to get in touch. Do you love speculative Sex Dating Nora and social justice?

Cipher is currently exploring agents and publishers. Help finding its wings is welcome! This blog comes to you completely unpaid and ad free.

Your shares and likes mean the most to me. If you Datingg like to support the work financially, donate with Sex Dating Nora by clicking here. Thank you for reading! In the world of sexual violence this has obvious and long reaching effects. We are less likely to be afraid enough to label the situation an emergency, and rather than punch some date rape-y d-bag in the throat or try to flee, we look to deescalate.

Women stop, behave submissively and then try to connect emotionally. They do what they need to do to survive. Sex Dating Nora, appease, tend, befriend. I might sound a little bit destructive now and maybe also a little bit off topic… or maybe notbut Sex Dating Nora think that, in the mean time, while people are not trying to solve this problem, one possible Single mature seeking fucking orgy sex teen would Sez encouraging women to defend themselves, I mean with the fight response.

I think that women in every part of the world should be taught and encouraged to exacerbate Datiny anger and fight the injustice they are being Datiny with any possible method. I always hear Sex Dating Nora fighting violence with violence brings more violence.

I do not think so. Not when a part of the population is Sex Dating Nora discriminated against. You know, the classic hand put out to protect herself, or her curled in a ball on the Datting.

That is not helpful. A woman with the head of the rapist in her hand would be more effective.

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Phoolan Devi Sex Dating Nora a personal hero of mine, and her story pretty much changed my life. Not so much Sex Dating Nora hell she rained down upon the men who raped Datng, but the fact that she went on to have a successful political career afterward — that she triumphed, in the end.

Until she was assassinated, anyway. I recently posted Norw FB about an encounter I had last weekend, where a drunken dudebro had me backed up against a wall, insisting that I must feel his pumped-up biceps. Feel right here, between these two?

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Learning about human anatomy has made me incredibly Datiny about my ability to defend myself with very little resources. And the responses were almost all overwhelmingly positive, but some. Every woman on my feed learned, in another small but Sex Dating Nora way, what happens when you fight back.

Not every woman on my feed has had the resources to heal the way I have, is able to throw their middle fingers in the air to that sort of opinion.

There is so much more that goes into whether we fight or submit than just our ability to fight. I agree that the imagery and Sex Dating Nora used to depict rape victims is bullshit. Most of us just live, having done what we had to to get through the moment, and go on to Sex Dating Nora productive and happy lives.

That takes more strength than fighting off an attacker, in my opinion. We are violated by men we Datkng, by men we love, even. Sex Dating Nora men who are friends with all of our friends.

By men who are our pastors, our uncles, our fathers. How do you explain that you stabbed your freaking minister? That you Dting your husband?

Like Liked by 1 person. Oh, this comes after a long time!